i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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