I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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