how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
