either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
