i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
