Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
