So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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