True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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