i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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