I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Never underestimate the power of titties
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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