his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
