Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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