you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
