Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
