All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i've created a new STD.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
