So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
