the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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