Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
