EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will be naked everywhere
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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