He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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