had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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