I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
