That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You've changed since you got that strap on
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
