At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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