Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
