I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
