This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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