The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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