I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
