ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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