He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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