You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
two words: eviction party
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
