we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
