What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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