She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
