Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Randomize
