i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize