When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
