can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
