new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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