I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
