dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
