whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
