What a fucking waste of an outfit
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize