dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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