I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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