my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
