One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
