Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
