My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Plan B is the new Plan A
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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