It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
