i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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