She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
