3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she pinky promised me she was 18
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
