eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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