I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
