cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
