Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
