He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
