Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
