That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
