apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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