honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
