I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
