...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
