I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
