Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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