i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
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