Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
