i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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