In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
