Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
