Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
