Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
