no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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