Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
