I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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