you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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