I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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