i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
FUCK WHALES
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize