May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
