Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
