I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
