i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
