whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
