God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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