I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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