Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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