wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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