hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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