Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
