My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
