I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I need to calm my uterus...
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