i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
