hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
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