hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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