Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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